**Warning... if you are a man, then you might want to wait for the next post because you are probably not going to like this one. You’ll get over it... Thank you. **
Why is that boys are just the most stupid things roaming the earth?? I mean seriously! I know that most men think with their ‘little head’ 75% of the time, but dayum can’t you guys just for once think of something or someone besides yourself?? I know that a lot of this could do with the fact that I have a sordid past and bad taste in guys apparently, so I guess I should fill you in on why I feel this way. I am going to give you a little back ground on the ‘men’ through out my life, and then fill you in on why this started today. Get ready because, here we go...
*All names have been changed*
Russell: My mother’s 3rd husband before she remarried my father. I was 7 years old, I hadn’t seen my mother in many years because she moved around a lot and my father was raising me. I went to visit her and my half brother for two weeks that summer. I had never met nor talked to Russell, but my first impression of him was not the best. He and my mother fought constantly so I stayed away from him as much as possible. That didn’t last all that long, because he lost his job about four days into me staying there. My brother was involved in some kind of summer camp, so he was not around all that much through out the say and my mother was still working, so it was just me and Russell. He started becoming more and more loving towards me, which in the eyes of a 7 year old was ok, but still kind of odd. That’s when the ‘touching’ started. It eventually turned into him molesting me. I am not going to go into detail with this, because people don't want to read that kind of that thing. Now, please tell me… How can any man, or person for that matter, get any pleasure out of a young girl? How can anyone make an innocent child do things like that? So started my much skewed opinion of men.
Billy: He was my first ‘real’ boyfriend. You know the one, your ‘first’ of pretty much everything. I met him in 1993 right before I went in high school. He was about to be a junior at a different high school and I thought he was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen. We were together until Feb. of 1998. Everything was great for the first year or so. We did everything we could together. Our families got along which helped us spend a lot of time together. After the first year, we started the whole break up and get back together thing that most high school kids do, but we always ended up back together. After I graduated in 1997, we practically lived together. I was over at his house all the time, stayed there most nights and helped pay bills. It was good, until he started drugs. Nothing too serious at first, but then he got hooked on steroids. It was ok at first, like everything else. He would have mood swings from time to time, but nothing too major. On Christmas Eve of 1997, he came home and started flipping out because I wasn’t there. I had told him numerous times that I was going to an office party, and that I would be home late. By the time I got there, he had destroyed the entire house, and was not finished yet. He tried to grab me, but I got away and left the house. I didn’t talk to him for a month or so, but he eventually got to me and I gave him one more chance. As much as I was scared of him that night, I couldn’t imagine my life with out him in it. On Valentine’s Day of 1998, I was supposed to be home early that night because he had something special planned for me. I ran late at work, and got home about an hour late. I ran in apologizing and pleading him to not be mad. He wasn’t. Which I found very odd, but was too happy to care. We had dinner that he made and then he gave me my Valentine’s present. An engagement ring… I was shocked and crying. After I said yes, he went to put it on my finger, or at least that’s what I thought he was going to do. He grabbed my hand, and threw me into a wall. He said, that’s what I got for coming home so late. And it just got worse from there. I am not going to go into detail, because honestly it’s just not something I talk about, or even care to think about. I will just say that he beat to an extent that my own parents had a hard time recognizing me. He went to jail and that’s that. But it was the first in a long line of bad choices in men that I would make.
Jose: After Billy, I decided that being in a relationship was not for me. I had fun, did what I wanted, and lived my life as I chose. In August of 1998 I met Jose through my job at the time. We hung out a few times; I honestly didn’t think it was going anywhere. He was a cool guy and dayum good looking, but he was a player and I knew it. Then in November, he told me that he was moving to
Zach: The same as with
Kyle: I met Kyle on Halloween of 2001 at a local bar. If you notice the time, it was less than a month after I had my first son. I was in no way shape or form ready for any type of relationship, but I desperately needed something to take care of and cling to. Or at least, I realize that now. It was lust at first sight for us two. I fell for all the things that I didn’t usually fall for. Within a month he was telling me he loved me, and of course I reciprocated. I thought things were perfect, I over looked the fact that he didn’t have a job, because I loved him. I didn’t care that he lived with his aunt, and had no ambition to move out, again because I loved him. Needless to say, the boy played me like a fool. On January 3rd of 2002, he called me and said it’s over. Just that simple. That was one of the only relationships that I can say was completely my fault and pure stupidity. Nothing more. The boy was good at playing, and he played me like a fiddle.
Steve: Yeah... I wouldn’t even know where to begin on this one. I know you all know a lot about the divorce and such, but there is oh so much more to the story. As before, I will not go into a lot of detail, but I will give you a little back ground on why things went so bad between us. I met Steve in September of 2002. He wasn’t my normal type, but after Wayne, my first son, and Kyle, I was just ready to settle down. So, I jumped right in. As with Kyle, within in the first month or so, he told me he loved me. This time I didn’t reciprocate as quickly, but nevertheless I did eventually. In January of 2003, he proposed and I accepted. Somewhere down in me I didn’t think I would ever follow through, but thought that maybe I could learn to love him like he loved me. In February, we moved in together and within days found out we were expecting. I was thrilled, scared, nervous, and sad all at the same time. It was then that the problems started between us. I think now looking back, that we both knew it wasn’t going to work, but we stuck with it. It wasn’t very long after that, that I started finding out that he was cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. And, that was only the start. Throughout our entire marriage he cheated on me time and time again. I know that living with me was not easy because I was depressed and miserable being with him, but I never cheated on him. Not only that, but he had a very bad habit of forcing himself on me. It didn’t matter what I said or did, if he wanted sex he was going to get it one way or the other. The man was a pervert. He couldn’t go an entire day without looking at porn, or doing something sexual. The longer it went on the more it disgusted me, not to mention I was practically getting raped by my husband. Yeah, say it with me, another bad choice.
Greg: This is the latest in bad choices. I met Greg about two months ago online. We talked almost every day for a solid month, before we decided to meet. He was sweet, funny, and was a single parent like me. We met this past Sunday and went to lunch with Al and Pegs. I honestly thought he was going to be a good guy to get to know, man was I wrong. While at lunch, he kept checking out the waitresses and playing with my legs. Not necessarily a big deal, but on a first date? With my friends there? I blew it off, thought maybe he was just nervous or something. This would haunt me in about an hour. After lunch, Al and Pegs went back to their neck of the woods, and we went back to my place. Do you remember one of your first dates as a teenager? Sitting on mom’s couch and making out like crazy while she wasn’t there? The guy pushing, and pushing and you thinking it was fun because you were just that young and stupid? Yeah, well, I am 27 years old. When I say stop, that means stop dumbass. That doesn’t mean continue thinking I am playing hard to get, especially when I flat out tell you that I am NOT playing hard to get. The boy would not leave me alone. He kept trying to push me down on the couch, trying to get a hand up my shirt, and just over all trying to force him self on me. I am not kidding people… it really does sound like a teenage date doesn’t it? I even told him at one point that he was scaring me and to get off, he still tried. Needless to say, I ended the date and sent his ass back to wherever the hell it is that he came from. You know what the kicker is? The boy is still calling me! Well, at least he was until today.
So here we are, back at today. Now that you have a little information on all the bad choices and situations of my life, you might understand a little better why I am so ticked at the world today. It started out as a normal day; I posted my clit piece yesterday, and as usual have gotten some good and interesting responses to it. What?? You didn’t read it? Oh, please... go read it now! It’s the best one yet, of course I am a little bias. Ok, back to the story… I am doing my morning ritual of checking all email and sites that I do everyday, when I see a message from Steve on the world’s largest gathering space. I check it and this is what it says:
“LOL love the new blog! To funny!
I think you 'taught' me how to do it pretty well most of the time! lol
I see your current mood is 'horney' so if you need any help please let me know lol You know me Im always hungry! lol
Just messing with you! (maybe!)
Well hope your having a great day and please be careful in this rain.
I do miss you... and love you… Steve”
Yes, he really is that bad at grammar and spelling. This might not make sense to you about why I got so mad, but this is only the latest in a line of sexual comments and suggestions he has made to me in the last few months. I told him one of the last times, that it was disgusting and that he needed to stop. As usual, he didn’t listen. So I notice that he is online and I instant connect with him. This is how that story plays out:
Marci: not working today?
Steve: day off and not feeling good
Marci: sorry to hear that
Steve: crap going around work
Steve: Jerome’s sick and about 3 other guys at work are sick too kinda sad
Steve: and both kids are home from school today sick
Steve: so im trying to avoid them all lol
Marci: and i cannot believe you just sent me that email
Steve: at least i didnt post it as a comment!
Marci: yeah.. i appreciate that
Steve: apparently i just never really change.... lol always the same horn dog, just a little older and a little wiser
Steve: yea i think so
Steve: trust me Marci i think ive learned a hell of a lot in the past couple months.... stuff i SHOULD have known already lol but day late dollar short kinda thing
Marci: why don't you enlighten me to what you have learned.. and how you learned it.. i would love to know
Steve: learned the hard way that you never let the one you love go no matter what. that you have to do what ever it takes to keep them happy , and so much more
Steve: boring sappy stuff and makes me pissy eyed if i think about it
Marci: pissy eyed? what the hell is that? and why?
Marci: because all of that you said, you have said before.. it's nothing i haven't heard
Steve: Marci im not trying to start anything i was just saying i have learned alot from my mistakes in the past year
Steve: i cant make it up to you or anyone else in my life that i have hurt... thats the past
Marci: i'm not trying to start anything either.. i just am curious to hear what you have learned as you say.. but as usual it is nothing new..
Steve: hell Jerome pointed out to me sunday that him and Katie think im not over you yet since the first words out of my mouth when i get home from your house is about you and im allways smiling when i talk about you
Marci: i don't know what to tell you Steve. you know how i feel about the situation and that is most likely not going to change
Steve: Marci, i never thought me telling you this stuff would make it all better
Steve: but i get to stay your friend and that counts alot
Marci: like i said earlier. i just find it funny that you always want to say that you have learned so much in these past few months, but when asked what you have learned it's
never anything different..
Marci: the lying is still going on.. the immaturity is still there..
Marci: it's just funny and frankly sad.. but that's in my opinion
Steve: im sorry
Steve: everything and anything i have ever done to you and to US and to our FAMILY
Marci: why do you think that when i say things like i did that i am looking for an apology?
Marci: i'm not.. nor have i been in a very long time..
Marci: i am basically hoping that one of these times that i repeat myself over and over again that it will sink in for you that you need to grow the hell up. Act your age, stop the lying, and by all mean try your dayumdest to act a little more mature. I am sorry if it sounds like I am being a bitch, but I am so tired of getting childish remarks from you and when I call you on them, you revert back to the i'm sorry for everything mode
Marci: I want to be your friend Steve, if for nothing else but Jerrod and the history we have, but I'll be dayumed if I am going to keep having to decipher the truth from the lies, and the disgusting remarks, only to have you try to turn it on me or get mad... I was done with all of that in Jan and am not going to change my mind on that/
Marci: all of that and I get a 'ok'
Steve: Marci i dont know what to say,
Steve: your right about all of it
Marci: sad thing is Steve.. is i knew that is what you were going to say.. you can't face things head on... you don't know how bad i used to want you to just say it all .. put it all fucking out there.. but no, you always run..
Marci: are you still there? or just not talking to me?
Marci: ok.. well i am sorry to go off on you like that.. but I asked you the last time you sent me a comment like that to not do it again.. i didn't like it when we were married and i dayum sure don't like it now.. and you caught me in the middle of a very bad day..
And that is the last I have heard from him today. I doubt that anything will come of it, but I had to get it all off my chest. Of course, some more interesting news is that right in the middle of getting into it with Steve, Greg calls. Yeah, needless to say he got an earful also, and I seriously doubt I will hear from him again. So there you go, another interesting look into the life of Marci. Not always exciting, but when it happens, it happens. I’m going to my best neighbors tonight so Pegs can torture me by doing my hair. Maybe this will kill some of those brain cells that cause me to fall for the wrong guys!! Hmmm… now there’s a thought.