This is probably not going to make all that much sense, or really be all that interesting to anyone but me, but I am doing it anyway. Do you ever just have so much to say or do that you need to write it all down in the hopes that it will alleviate some of the pressure building up into a massive headache? Well, I am having one of those
moments days years… yeah that’s it, years. Which to be honest is completely sad as it is only 59 days into 2007. If you haven’t figured out yet, I am on a rampage. I have given warning to those close to me, so as to not make them think it is them, but that everyone else can kiss my big, fat, white ass. At this particular moment I hate:
- Steve. I am sure I really don’t need to say much more, but there is oh so much that could be said. Hell, even if I was to tell you two things you would probably begin to understand why I am so pissed.
i. The man is selfish, idiotic, perverted, lazy, and disgusting… not to mention that it has now been one month since he left town and he has yet to make any contact, or even attempt at contacting, with his son. Yet, he is dating his ex before me again, who has a child, and is living at home with his brother who just had a child, you would think seeing those children would remind him that he has one also.
ii. He is letting yet another car get repossessed. How much of a moron do you have to be to have not one, not two, but three cars get repossessed? Let’s not forget that he is not the brightest crayon in the box, because on his application for one of the ‘Buy here, Pay here’ places that he got the car from, he put down his parents names and address with the wrong phone number. So they have tried to call me. Not to mention that he signed for this car in September or October of 2005 and hasn’t made a payment on it since January or February of 2006. When he moved the first time he took it with him, but when he moved back to Paradise in August of last year he left it with his mother, who by the way didn’t make a payment on it either.
iii. One more, just for shits and giggles… I wrote him a letter early this week letting him know that I had finally gotten all the papers done and filled out so that we can finally get this divorce over and done with. I have been exceedingly nice throughout this entire process so as to save my self time, energy, heartache and BS along the way. (Yes, I know… stupid me.) Have I gotten a response? No. We are talking the papers that will include how long, when, and if he gets to see his child. How much and when he owes money for that child. If he owes in money in the arrears for that child also. Not to mentio1n what and how much he owes for the debts he left in both of our names.
iv. I think what annoys me the most about him is that as much as I try to be nice, or not let the things he does upset me, he still gets under my skin. Whether he does them intentionally, which he LOVES to do, or not it all gets to me eventually. I might be ok with the first or even second stupid or selfish thing, but by that third time I am ready to drive to wherever it is he is and … well, I don’t think I need to leave any incriminating evidence incase I actually do it this time, but you all get my point I am sure.
- I am in the process of finding out if my cervical cancer is back. This is one of the things that have been going in my life that I haven’t found a way to deal with or tell all of you about. I don’t have a lot of info on the matter, and to be honest with you I haven’t found a way to deal with it or talk about yet. I am just so beyond caring at this moment that I thought why not just tell you all and maybe it might help me to be able to deal with it. The only thing I know is that when I went for a check up on the 16th, the doctor saw lesions on and around my cervix again. The doctor is worried because the last time that the lesions were found it progressed very quickly. She doesn’t want that to happen again, but it could be anything, or so she said. The lesions could be remnants of the first surgery, scar tissue that has darkened from the first surgery, or the worst it could be the beginnings of cancerous cells again. Either way, she took a scraping of the area and sent it in to be analyzed. I am scheduled to go back on March 9th for the results and a Colposcopy, which is where they take a biopsy of what is left of my cervix. She wanted to do this regardless of the result of the scraping because she wants to have a better feel for what all is going on in my body and if there is a bigger problem at hand.
- I was also told at the same doctor’s appointment that I could, she tried to stress could, be diagnosed with what she called livable depression. The way she explained it to me was that I had a slight case of depression, where the body and mind does fine 75% of the time, but it’s that other 25% that sends me into a tailspin of emotional and physical roller coaster. Sounds like fun doesn’t it? No, not really. (Hey, at least I still have some of my humor left...) She didn’t want to put me on anything at the moment until we get the girly stuff taken care of.
So there you go… everything that has been going on in my life and a few extras rants thrown in for good measure. I can’t promise that my next post will be any time soon or any better for that matter. I know you are all kind and loving people, and you will read this and wish me all the best in the world, so I will say thank you to all of those people here and now. I really do appreciate the kind words and thoughts; I just have to work through this somehow.
Before I go, I want to give a very, very special thank you to two people:
- Pegs, without you I don’t know that I would wake up each day with out something positive to think or do. I love you more than words can describe and appreciate all you have and will do for me. You are my sister, period.
- Queen… I know that we don’t really know each other, but every time I am going through one of my down periods or even the good ones, you are there with the perfect comment at the perfect time. Thank you so very much, for just being you. It means a lot.
Title is a quote from Gwen Stefani's "The Sweet Escape."